The Appeal of Self-Sabotage

Have you ever had a really great, amazing experience where everything goes right and you can’t believe your good luck? Maybe you got a new, fancy client, or an awesome speaking opportunity, or maybe a product launch went so well that you can’t believe how much support you got from your affiliates or how much money you made.

And while it feels really good, and you spent some long hours wishing for this exact outcome, some part of you is uneasy with it. There is a small part of you that feels some uncomfortable friction with this new, positive turn of events.

This is the part of you that needs you to stay small and safe.

It typically runs some nasty stories about how you can’t handle it, you’re not good enough, and you’ll just fail massively while people laugh and throw rotten eggplants at you.

This part convinces you to wait a bit too long to return the new client’s call, or shuts you down at the thought of the new speaking opportunity. It can convince you that the new products will disappoint everyone who buys them.

And before you know it, you’re back in your old, comfy life.

The prospective client picks someone else, you miss the deadline for the speaker application, and most of the people who bought the early bird of your launch ask for a refund.  And as you sigh in relief, that small part of you says, “Ah, well. It’s for the best.”

And you go back to your life as usual, wondering why you can never catch a break.

This is actually strategic on the part of our ego. Because we don’t quite believe we can receive our good, we make sure we don’t get it.  We stay comfortable when things align with our current stories and past reality, but when things get too good we’re thrown off base because they might get taken away, so we begin to tell ourselves bad stories to keep us small.

When we’re worried about losing a good thing, self-sabotage releases the pressure.

It’s like a security blanket we wear that binds us to the safety of our old stories.

If we can look clearly and honestly at how our doubt in ourselves has limited us in the past, and then acknowledge our power to choose a new experience for ourselves, we begin to shift our circumstances.

More than anything, this solution involves self forgiveness and a willingness to change.

This isn’t an easy thing to do, but, it means that in the midst of our circumstances, we can look directly inward to however we were responsible, whether that was a turning a blind eye to someone’s bad habits, or refusing to listen to our inner voice, and take responsibility for our part in our circumstances.

Then, self-sabotage looks like what it is–a crazy option of lack and fear.  So, armed with self-forgiveness and willingness to choose differently, we can soften up to take bigger risks and let in more of our, Diane